The New Hollywood
For far too long America's Youth and foreigners have learned about America and Americans from Old Hollywood. The values of the Jews and liberals have twisted what had started out as a Christian nation into a drug-taking, baby-killing, Arabic-translating, latte-drinking, Volvo-driving non-stop homosexual orgy. Which couldn't be further from the truth. America is much better than that, and The Greatest Administration Ever could tolerate the lies no futher. After 9/11 the world changed, and The Greatest President Ever demanded that Old Hollywood straighten up. He sent an envoy to hold meetings with the studio heads, to see if any of them could use their positions of power to make movies that were more uplifting, more religious and which reflected America's real values. And New Hollywood was born. How New Hollywood Is Better Than Old Hollywood Old Hollywood depicted American Values from the perspective of a gay hippie. For Old Hollywood, men and women were interchangeable, Jesus Christ hated war and money and performed abortions when he wasn't having gay sex with Barbra Streisand and Michael Moore. Clearly, the Jews who ran Old Hollywood had never been homeschooled nor had they ever read any passage from The Holy Bible. That was the Old Hollywood, the New Hollywood which grew from those inconsequential and mostly forgotten meetings knows what type of content America wants, what type of content sells, what type of content will get a script produced and distributes movies and TV shows to the general public. New Hollywood's New Content To better reflect God's Word in movies and television projects made in America with American money, New Hollywood follows a strict, yet loving, set of guidelines that would thrill The Baby Jesus, that relies more on physical comedy than on anything vague or obscure. The louder the actors, the better. Oh, and there has to be lots of car chases, and crashes and explosions and physical comedy like getting kicked in the balls, that is so funny, LOL! The only product placement allowed (in fact it's required) is Biblical. Also, no female leads. Only The Right People Work Actors of days gone by, whose ideas were not considered liberal enough for Old Hollywood now have work again. Writers and other persons who "create" stuff for movies and TV shows are also free from the liberal bias that controlled the industry for so many years until America woke up to their agenda. Now with stories written by the right people, produced by the right people and starring the right people, American will finally be depicted the right way. Only The Right People Know How To Have Fun Everyone remembers how fun going to church was when we were kids and New Hollywood goes to great lengths to recreate those precious moments. New Hollywood recognizes that all the myths liberals tried to shove down everyone's throats were nothing but lies! Filthy, filthy lies. New Hollywood returns the leaders of cool back to the forefront of the American culture they innovated and finally rewarded them with the adulation they rightfully deserve. The Leaders of Cool that New Hollywood are featuring in all their products are: * Christians * stars of the Redneck culture ** NASCAR drivers ** Country & Western music stars * authorities Only The Right Institutions Exist Speaking of fun! Nothing says "fun" like going to a private religious school or staying at home obeying your mother! No more worshiping the communist public school system of liberal days gone by, America is about self-reliance and makin' a buck! Am I right? Am I right! Also, New Hollywood will no longer portray America's Crown Jewel of an Economic System from a hippie point-of-view. Nothing less than unquestioned devotion will satisfy America's self-image. Depicting The Way Things Really Are Now that Karen Hughes has returned to America, she can do for America in America what she was doing for America in America's Sugar Daddy Nations Depiction of American Culture Since America started as a Christian nation, by Christian men all movies and TV shows must include the most sacred of Christian values, such as: * the institute of marriage * the sanctity of life * the death penalty * the second ammendment * punishment of non-believers Depiction of American Males American men are the very definition of masculinity The American man is confident and competent, even when not compared to wimpy foolish semi-males. Depiction of American Females The destiny of every American woman is to be pregnant. Until an American woman gets pregnant, she will be under a constant and imminent threat. * Examples of pregnancy in recent New Hollywood movies: ** Children of Men ** Waiting ** Knocked Up ** Juno * Examples of constant imminent threat in recent New Hollywood movies: ** P2 ** The Brave One Depiction of The American Family The American family is always large, because the American parent doesn't use birth control Depiction of unAmericans on America's Planet * They should be wearing darkie makeup. * They should speak with an accent, but be articulate. * They should be Harvard educated. * They should be performing human sacrifice or worshipping cows. * They must "get theirs" by the end of the film.